Poor William: yesterday the little guy was constipated. I wanted to try using formula all day one day to see if he would have less gas (in case the breastmilk was giving him gas). I don’t think his gas situation was improved, but definitely he had a hard time with his bowel movements. The poor guy was struggling (painfully, it seemed—or at least very vocally) to push out his pooh. He pushed out a couple of tiny, hard nuggets. That, and the heavy straining, clued me in that he was probably constipated. So I went really gung-ho with the breastmilk, thawing out several bags that I’d had in the freezer. He pooped out a really hard, largish log-like turd that had some faint hints of blood in it, and then it was explosions of very soft, liquidy pooh. I felt so awful that I put William through this. So I am continuing to pump breastmilk for him twice a day. I guess the change was just too drastic for his system.

In other news, Grandma and Grampa left today at about 4 a.m. It was really nice having them here! I know they were absolutely thrilled to meet their first grandchild, and they really love William a lot. Thanks to Mom for taking care of William during the nights and for cleaning and working in the garden! We look forward to seeing you again soon in Canada!!

Over the past little while, William has started to grip things, not just fingers placed in his. For example, when you burp him, he’ll grip onto your clothing or hair or necklace! Sometimes it’s hard to make him let go! Or he’ll grab his hair or his ear, so I think he’s trying to learn what his hands do. Also, sometimes when I’m feeding him, if he’s really excited and hungry, he’ll put his little hands (in fists) up to the bottle as if holding it in place, to make sure you don’t let it go or take it away. It’s extremely cute!

He still likes to be held a lot and it seems to comfort him and help him deal with his gas. He still needs to burp a lot. He gets mad when you burp him during the early part of his feeding, because it takes him away from his food! Sometimes he will be very mad indeed, which is no fun at all at 3 a.m., to have a mad baby screaming in your ear when all you want to do is sleep. But as soon as you position him horizontally again, he calms right down, knowing that he will soon be fed again!! Sometimes when he’s draped over your shoulder, he’ll get impatient at not being fed and he’ll start sucking on his wrist/arm or on your clothing or skin. Right now he is eating anywhere from about 3-5 oz. per feeding, and feedings occur every 2 to 4 hours or so. We’re hoping he’ll start to sleep through the night better, so we can get more sleep. He does okay after the first feeding, but seems to get gas after the second feeding, and gets fidgety when in his pack & play, so we’ll have to hold him, sometimes for a long while.

I really love the little guy!

I didn’t really experience a lot of post-partum depression or baby blues. I was a little bit nervous about taking care of him, though that was mostly because when we took him from the hospital he had lost weight and wasn’t eating very well. So I was scared that he wouldn’t eat well or gain weight. Other than that and other little daily worries, I felt surprisingly confident about bringing this new little life home and being able to care for him and meet all his needs. I really surprised myself in that respect.

I only felt somewhat sad for the first couple of weeks about no longer being pregnant. I guess I’d been pregnant for so long that I’d gotten used to it, discomfort and all. What was it about being pregnant that I missed? When pregnant, I always had this little life with me, carrying him around, so it was like being in constant contact with someone; it was very intimate and only I was privy to his movements, etc. It was like having a wonderful little secret between me and my baby—a bond between us. He was just part of me. The other thing I missed was that, when pregnant, I got a lot of attention and smiles and felt very special. And now I was just “me” again.

Another thing that made me feel sad was that I just love William so much and (morbid me!) I know he will have to die some day and it almost breaks my heart that he has to be mortal or ever experience pain of any kind, etc. I would love to be able to keep him from having any bad thing every happen to him, but I know that he will have to fall down sometimes, so that he can learn how to get up and fend for himself and get stronger. It will just pain me when those learning experiences happen.

Darryl & I really love our little boy a lot! He’s changed so much since we brought him home: his head has gotten bigger, he’s opening his eyes really wide and looking at things (the ceiling fan spinning around, the blinds, his mobile), he’s doing a lot more stuff with his hands not in fists and although he doesn’t know how to use his fingers he seems a lot more dexterous now, his eyes will follow your fingers if you move them across his field of view, and he always looks at you when he’s being fed. I call him my munch-monster.
Sometimes William snores, which is very cute.

When William’s in our room and he’s being fed, or being burped, he likes to stare at this black & white poster of Greta Garbo that is hanging over my side of the bed, so I like to say that Greta Garbo is his girlfriend.